first draft of this i believe

This I believe essay.

I have this notion that this is my one and only life. I’m a Christian and I love people and I love doing what is right, and all that stuff you hear people talk about. So far in my life, I have been persuaded to do things I didn’t want to do, I have had to obey laws and rules. I listen to my parents… most of the time. I have never done drugs, or drank alcohol, and I hate the smell of cigarette smoke. I have to say that I am a pretty normal child.

I believe in tradition, in preservation of trees, in hope for the future, in peace and justice, in wisdom, in organization, in modesty and honesty, in my family and in my friends, that sharing is caring. I do believe in a lot of things. But like so many people I am not comfortable with everything my life has to offer.

Last week there was a little boy in Safeway who wanted this small package of marshmallow peeps. It was your typical “I want that mommy” grocery store scene. At first, it looked like love at first sight, seconds later he tugged at his mother’s shirt and pointed at it, minutes later, he was yelling for it, the next thing you know he was crying his eyes out and lying on the ground. Out of embarrassment, his mother snatched the peeps and her child to the cashier. And then she turned to her son and said, “Are you happy now?”

That sort of sparked a whole train of thoughts in my brain about what I wanted. It isn’t as easy as “I want that piece of candy” anymore. All of a sudden, I have to think about what I will be doing to survive in life. How I am going to support myself, and my family. If only it could be as easy as “I wanna do this.” Choosing a career in life is one of the heaviest tasks I will have to endure, probably in my entire life. And it has to be the one I will be thinking of forever. There is so much pressure to be the best. To succeed in everything you do. We constantly hear of parents who want their children to be doctors or nurses, or stuck up business people. Just the other day, my own grandmother turned to me and suggested that I become a social worker because her friend once told her that they make a lot of money. And even though I’m still in high school, I can definitely understand where she’s coming from. Or at least I want to.

Everyone wants to be cooler. Everyone wants to be secure. And I have some pity for them if this is what drives them to choose their path in life. Money doesn’t matter, anymore to me. And what other people think doesn’t even cross my mind. I don’t understand why anyone would want to sacrifice a life of real happiness, for a storybook life. A life where he is not even in charge anymore.

I am getting to the point in my life where I have to start making choices about my future now. And I am trying with whatever is left of my heart to hold on to what I know I want. I don’t want to let people, or money, or pressure to be in charge of my decision to be happy. I want to live my life. I don’t want to have a job, and live my life on the side. That may be the glorious life that many others choose to live; to sacrifice everything because they care for someone special, or for selfish reasons that don’t even matter in the end. But that is not what I believe in. I’m not going to have any regrets about that feeling I get in my gut when I’m what we call happy.