I never would have imagined that four words coming out of my mouth could change everything. How extraordinary; a lifestyle change that changes your life.
I like to think that it’s my nature to be effected by even the smallest of details. Yesterday, after walking away from my kitchen sink, I fought myself against going back. I tried. And I failed. I cannot stand the sight of dirty dishes. Not in my house, not anymore. As I washed the grime and grease off of the plates, and gave the bowls a good scrub, I thought to myself, right next to the floating dishwashing bubbles and my dad’s morning coffee cup; I am no child.
After my predicted future quickly flashed through my brain in a matter of five seconds, I sat on my couch and I realized that I needed to reflect on this past year. When did I become so mature? How did this happen? I sank deeper into the worn down cushion, closed my eyes, and tried to remember. When was the last time I asked my dad what an electricity bill was? Or When was the last time I played catch in my puny backyard? I could not remember. And lastly, when was the last time I had a W&M burger? Or had shoyu chicken? Or bulgogi?
I am a vegetarian. And in my family, this means that I stand alone. My mother doesn’t cook me dinner, she doesn’t take me grocery shopping for the family anymore. Everywhere I walk, I have this newly gained heavy burden on my shoulders. When I became a vegetarian, all of these responsibilities, that I didn't even know existed, started to pile up faster than I have ever seen. I now have to 'fend for myself'. Nobody is going to throw money at me to buy my "special food." I don't have much support at home, and certainly not anywhere else. I guess you could say that I am independent.
Will I have enough money for food tomorrow? Can I afford to pay for a new book that I want? Financial trouble puts a lot of strain on me. And all because I am now a vegetarian. My grandparents' constant bickering rings in my ears all day long. "Why won't she go back to normal?" "I don't know what to do with her." The frequent questions from old time friends and the curiosity from new ones come in one ear, but not out the other.
I have let go of the famous childhood phrase: "I don't wanna." I cook my own dinner, I am telling my brother to clean up his room, I am vacuuming the living room floor (regardless if anyone notices), and I am taking trips to the supermarket all by myself. I have applied to two jobs, and have already spent all the money in my childhood savings (my piggy bank). I have entered into a higher realm of teen hood. And even if honestly I am scared, slowly and surely... I am becoming a big girl now.
