I never would have imagined that four words coming out of my mouth could change everything. How extraordinary; a lifestyle change that changes your life.
I like to think that it’s my nature to be effected by even the smallest of details. Yesterday, after walking away from my kitchen sink, I fought myself against going back. I tried. And I failed. I cannot stand the sight of dirty dishes. Not in my house, not anymore. As I washed the grime and grease off of the plates, and gave the bowls a good scrub, I thought to myself, right next to the floating dishwashing bubbles and my dad’s morning coffee cup; I am no child.
After my predicted future quickly flashed through my brain in a matter of five seconds, I sat on my couch and I realized that I needed to reflect on this past year. When did I become so mature? How did this happen? I sank deeper into the worn down cushion, closed my eyes, and tried to remember. When was the last time I asked my dad what an electricity bill was? Or When was the last time I played catch in my puny backyard? I could not remember. And lastly, when was the last time I had a W&M burger? Or had shoyu chicken? Or bulgogi?
I am a vegetarian. And in my family, this means that I stand alone. My mother doesn’t cook me dinner, she doesn’t take me grocery shopping for the family anymore. Everywhere I walk, I have this newly gained heavy burden on my shoulders. When I became a vegetarian, all of these responsibilities, that I didn't even know existed, started to pile up faster than I have ever seen. I now have to 'fend for myself'. Nobody is going to throw money at me to buy my "special food." I don't have much support at home, and certainly not anywhere else. I guess you could say that I am independent.
Will I have enough money for food tomorrow? Can I afford to pay for a new book that I want? Financial trouble puts a lot of strain on me. And all because I am now a vegetarian. My grandparents' constant bickering rings in my ears all day long. "Why won't she go back to normal?" "I don't know what to do with her." The frequent questions from old time friends and the curiosity from new ones come in one ear, but not out the other.
I have let go of the famous childhood phrase: "I don't wanna." I cook my own dinner, I am telling my brother to clean up his room, I am vacuuming the living room floor (regardless if anyone notices), and I am taking trips to the supermarket all by myself. I have applied to two jobs, and have already spent all the money in my childhood savings (my piggy bank). I have entered into a higher realm of teen hood. And even if honestly I am scared, slowly and surely... I am becoming a big girl now.
3 comments:
Hey Sophie.
This piece was really good. I thought the idea of it really got my attention. Not once while reading it I got bored. A big 4 for this one.
The organization was really organized. The introduction, body, and conclusion is really effective. Once again, 4.
For voice, I could feel what you meant about "standing alone" since your a vegetarian. If you were to see my family at a buffet line, my little brother would go straight to the fruits and veggies. We would say, "Jalen, you need to eat meat if you want to be a football player. You're just too skinny." I like to eat veggies too but occasionally, I like to eat meat. I understand why you labeled this piece [soph]isticated. Numero Quatro =]
The word choice was very effective. The words made me understand the concept of the story. Four yet again.
Your sentences in this writing piece were long and descriptive. 4!
The punctuations were in the right places and it made the sentences end perfectly. 4
All fours!
Very awesome job!
-Jacie
By the way Soph i love your blog name :] totally AWESOME! okay so back to what i came here to do.
As i read through your story i could not only see but literally feel your expirences because of the well deatailed and 'beefed' up sentences. Your voice did not die out once instead it built up stronger and stronger. Your word choice is well played as it goes along with your maturity. Your organization was clearly thought over and your sentence fluency played i big part in it. I do hope you decide to add more to the ending because i'm sure you ahve much more to add on. I wouldn't mind knowing what made you become a vegg head :] and how you have to balance school and work. Well thats all for now ciao!
Ideas=3
Org=4
Voice=4
SntcFlu=4
Conv=4
Hi Sophie,
I agree with Jacie and Ashly that this was an intriguing essay. It's a great example of a COA experience and not one that would ordinarily come to mind.
My recommendation for the revision is to focus on the vegetarianism and leave out the part about cleaning the house. Your details about having to shop and cook on your own, looking for a job to support your diet, hearing your grandparents argue about your choice, are strong enough and need to be highlighted without the other stuff in there that might dilute the focus.
Then, you can add more details about how your eating habits set you apart in your family. What does mealtime look like in your house? What are the signts and smells of the two menus? What other comments do you hear besides those of your grandparents? Contrast shopping with your mom and shopping by yourself.
I think this will help to unify the paper and will also give your decision and its effect on your life more impact.
mrs s
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