Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
draft 1 of allusive poem
when she woke up this morning and saw the rusted foliage,
it was time to work.
she saw what could be, and instead chose
what should be.
"preparation is key."
she has a shield around her, to protect her from harm.
you may push her off course,
but only for a while,
for she knows what's to be done.
at the very same time, she is aware that she is small.
she is an insignificant significance.
but she will never give up.
it is hard to watch him have so much fun.
but fall is almost over and there is lots to be done.
she holds a certain amount of pity for him.
even as he frolicks in the sun.
but with time, she will be given the chance
to scoff and to laugh.
for now, though, she is focused,
and when time comes, she will not be abashed.
for anyting she needs,
they are right in her hands.
it was time to work.
she saw what could be, and instead chose
what should be.
"preparation is key."
she has a shield around her, to protect her from harm.
you may push her off course,
but only for a while,
for she knows what's to be done.
at the very same time, she is aware that she is small.
she is an insignificant significance.
but she will never give up.
it is hard to watch him have so much fun.
but fall is almost over and there is lots to be done.
she holds a certain amount of pity for him.
even as he frolicks in the sun.
but with time, she will be given the chance
to scoff and to laugh.
for now, though, she is focused,
and when time comes, she will not be abashed.
for anyting she needs,
they are right in her hands.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
dear parents,
Matthew died at the age of 55 yesterday. He was born and raised in Kaneohe, Hawaii. Matthew’s parents both smoked, and often, his mother would be smoking at home right in front of him. This seemed to be a normal routine for matt to see his mom or dad smoking a cigarette when he came home from school and when he left for school. Smoking would look like it’s natural in Matt’s house, but the truth is that it really isn’t. Matt picked up his first cigarette when he was 13. And nobody was there to stop him, or show him that it was wrong. One cigarette a day led to a pack a day. And a pack led to three packs. Smoking was the cause of his mother’s death, and it was the cause of his.
Everyday in the United States alone, approximately 3,000 kids under the age of 18 start smoking. Many times people will say that smoking is caused by peer pressure. And that does hold some truth. There are so many questions as to why Matt even took that first puff. He probably didn’t even know what the consequences would be. “If mom and dad do it, it can’t be harmful.”
Statistics show that parents are the biggest influence in their children’s lives. And even through many teenagers would like to disagree, they are wrong. Smoking addiction can be passed on from generation to generation. Research shows that a child’s odds of daily smoking are reduced by more than 70 percent when compared to when both parents continue to smoke. I believe that poor Matt was a victim of having that addiction passed on to him. And the sad truth is that his death could have been prevented if his parents would quit smoking. If both parents who were smokers quit, the odds that their child will start smoking would be reduced by nearly 40 percent. And even more research shows that mother who quit are less likely to have children who start smoking. Smoking in the household gives the "okay" to teens, so that they think that it really doesn't matter if they pick up a few cigarettes, because their parents do it.
What I have said in this mere essay may not seem to mean anything to you. You may not be a smoker, and you would swear that you never will. But there are households in your world, your next door neighbor, your friends, coworkers etc. who are suffering from having the act of smoking passed on from generation to generation. It is your duty now to act on what you know, and put an end to generational smoking. I'm sure that there are tons of families just like Matt's who need help. Parents, if you're listening, put your lighters down.
http://quitsmoking.about.com/od/teensmoking/a/teensmokefacts.htm “Parents: Quit smoking and your children are less likely to smoke”. Reuters 28 May 2008. 13 November 2008. <http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS244814+28-May-2008+PRN20080528>.
Everyday in the United States alone, approximately 3,000 kids under the age of 18 start smoking. Many times people will say that smoking is caused by peer pressure. And that does hold some truth. There are so many questions as to why Matt even took that first puff. He probably didn’t even know what the consequences would be. “If mom and dad do it, it can’t be harmful.”
Statistics show that parents are the biggest influence in their children’s lives. And even through many teenagers would like to disagree, they are wrong. Smoking addiction can be passed on from generation to generation. Research shows that a child’s odds of daily smoking are reduced by more than 70 percent when compared to when both parents continue to smoke. I believe that poor Matt was a victim of having that addiction passed on to him. And the sad truth is that his death could have been prevented if his parents would quit smoking. If both parents who were smokers quit, the odds that their child will start smoking would be reduced by nearly 40 percent. And even more research shows that mother who quit are less likely to have children who start smoking. Smoking in the household gives the "okay" to teens, so that they think that it really doesn't matter if they pick up a few cigarettes, because their parents do it.
What I have said in this mere essay may not seem to mean anything to you. You may not be a smoker, and you would swear that you never will. But there are households in your world, your next door neighbor, your friends, coworkers etc. who are suffering from having the act of smoking passed on from generation to generation. It is your duty now to act on what you know, and put an end to generational smoking. I'm sure that there are tons of families just like Matt's who need help. Parents, if you're listening, put your lighters down.
http://quitsmoking.about.com/od/teensmoking/a/teensmokefacts.htm “Parents: Quit smoking and your children are less likely to smoke”. Reuters 28 May 2008. 13 November 2008. <http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS244814+28-May-2008+PRN20080528>.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
teens smoking?
matthew died at the age of 55 yesterday. he was born and raised in kaneohe, Hawaii. matthew was raised by parents who didn't love each other, and when he was a kid, he took this as being normal. matt had to gather love from kids at schools, and from his teachers, because he wasn't getting any from his mom and pop. In his freshman year of high school, Joe asked matt if he wanted a cigarette. and that one cigarette turned into ten cigarettes. and ten cigarettes turned into two packs a day. and two packs led to three. then to four. his first cigarette led to his death.
these are usually the stories you see in the newspaper; fifty year old man died of lung cancer. there are so many questions as to why matt even took that first puff. maybe he didn't know it would cause his death. and eventually cause him to have to leave his family because of a desperate cry for some guidance, or attention, or security when he was young and vunerable.
and now, who is to blame...
parents are a childs biggest and most constant influence. who knew what it felt like to be a five year old matt, living in a home where good and bad were never really defined to him. trouble in the home can look so harmless from afar, but if you tried to step past the front door, you would see adults, without values strong enough, and a child in the corner suffering the consequences. mom could have told her son the truth. it's better than not telling him anything at all. studies show that kids love attention, and often crave it. you don't need to read a bunch of articles to know this. attention deprived, unsure, clueless and scared millions of teens in america are taking a puff of their first cigarette every minute. because they were not taught how important it is to make good choices, and resist peer pressure.
these are usually the stories you see in the newspaper; fifty year old man died of lung cancer. there are so many questions as to why matt even took that first puff. maybe he didn't know it would cause his death. and eventually cause him to have to leave his family because of a desperate cry for some guidance, or attention, or security when he was young and vunerable.
and now, who is to blame...
parents are a childs biggest and most constant influence. who knew what it felt like to be a five year old matt, living in a home where good and bad were never really defined to him. trouble in the home can look so harmless from afar, but if you tried to step past the front door, you would see adults, without values strong enough, and a child in the corner suffering the consequences. mom could have told her son the truth. it's better than not telling him anything at all. studies show that kids love attention, and often crave it. you don't need to read a bunch of articles to know this. attention deprived, unsure, clueless and scared millions of teens in america are taking a puff of their first cigarette every minute. because they were not taught how important it is to make good choices, and resist peer pressure.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Dear Mom, Dad, and Mrs. S,
It has always been a bit of a struggle for me to produce quality writing in every one of the six traits. I think that when I use my time wisely and really focus hard on my writing, and especially my ideas, my writing can turn out well. When I wrote my Coming of Age, I was really expressive and it turned out pretty great. But when writing the CE, I knew how important it was, and I didn't use all the new 'techniques' that I learned about, and rushed it. I know that I do have a lot of potential like many other students do, and I have work to do. (:
NEXT QUARTER; Next quarter I actually have big hopes. I think I need to practice more, and one good idea I think I will remember to do is to make more drafts. Instead of trying to make my first essay perfect, I know it's a good idea to be able to go in and revise. I need to work on putting more voice in my essays, and also work on my word choice.
2nd quarter is going to be hard, but I want to be able to add some fun too.
NEXT QUARTER; Next quarter I actually have big hopes. I think I need to practice more, and one good idea I think I will remember to do is to make more drafts. Instead of trying to make my first essay perfect, I know it's a good idea to be able to go in and revise. I need to work on putting more voice in my essays, and also work on my word choice.
2nd quarter is going to be hard, but I want to be able to add some fun too.
Friday, October 3, 2008
PORTFOLIO.
[second year in menemac!]
This time, we're doing BLOG portfolios! This first quarter has been busy but fun. We were able to catch up with everybody, and reflect on freshmen year. We also did much more focused exercises on sentence fluency.
The article on the right, is an example of how we located parallel sentences with professional writing. This really allowed me to see that sentences are varied and should be used (more often) to get a point or an idea across.
We also did sentence fluency practices by trying it ourselves. We worked in groups to come up with much more descriptive sentences, and we 'piled on' all of the detail into one sentence.
This time, we're doing BLOG portfolios! This first quarter has been busy but fun. We were able to catch up with everybody, and reflect on freshmen year. We also did much more focused exercises on sentence fluency.
The article on the right, is an example of how we located parallel sentences with professional writing. This really allowed me to see that sentences are varied and should be used (more often) to get a point or an idea across.
We also did sentence fluency practices by trying it ourselves. We worked in groups to come up with much more descriptive sentences, and we 'piled on' all of the detail into one sentence.
We also got to take notes on poetry. And even though we went through poetry last school year, this really clarified a lot of my questions. It was fun to talk about it in groups and get into deep conversations about the poems.
My goals that I wrote to Mrs. S at the begining of the year, were that I would get exited to write essays, and not think of it as a hassle. And I really wanted to write more personal and expressive pieces. I think I did an "okay" job of that. I was definitely more exited to get into writing, especially after learning more about sentence fluency. I also said that I wanted to improve my technology skills, and be able to communicate more. And I'm not as good as I want to be as far as photoshop goes, but I believe that I'm improving. I think you can see that in my OR card: 
I could've done better with procrastinating, especially when we did our College Essays.
:(
But, when we wrote our coming of age essays, I'm proud to say, that I got everything in on time.
THE SIX TRAITS!!!
IDEAS: My writing has focus, and I don't lose track of my main ideas in the piece. It is strong, and interesting, and catches the readers attention. It shows that I know what I'm talking about. ORGANIZATION: The piece as a whole should feel like it has it's own rythym. It should stay on topic, and be suspensful, and make the reader think. VOICE: The piece should show me in it. I can be personal with my writing, and express my opinions. It should show that I actually have a passion for the topic. WORD CHOICE: My words are being utilized so that people remember my writing. It always has to make sense, and tie in with the piece.
SENTENCE FLUENCY: My sentences should be varied so it doesn't get boring to read. It should be used so that the reader feels like he/she must keep reading on.
CONVENTIONS AND PRESENTATION: My piece has to have no grammatical errors, and it should be able to be read by others.
I believe that my COA shows that I've got all of the traits down. {click the picture on the right}
And my College Essay shows a lot of my voice.
conclusion;
conclusion;
I am most proud of my Coming of Age essay... but I know that I can do better in the future. I'm also proud of my OR card. It's starting to get easier for me to make, and it's tons of fun.
I had some challenges with the critiquing during our mid-quarter exam. And also with the final writing exam. But I was able to get back on my feet by thinking positive, and not being afraid to ask questions.
GOALS: Next quarter, I will not be afraid to go and get help with something if I need it. And as much as possible, I would like to get started earlier with my essays, so that I have plenty of time to revise and make it better. Of course, I do need to practice sentence fluency more, and I will keep trying.
Overall, this quarter has been great. And I am looking forward to the rest of the year.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
expectations
What is the truth? Growing up, I’ve always been told to tell the truth and that I could be whatever I wanted to be. Unfortunately, my parents did not prepare me to be what the world wanted me to be. I never wanted to be an astronaut or a firefighter. Maybe a traveler, or a teacher. No, I should be a doctor and have tons of money, and use it as a security blanket. Then, there can be peace. The truth is, these so called expectations, they hardly come from our own mouths anymore.
Reading, my multivitamin, has awoken me to the truth about truth and our great expectations through “great expectations”. Upon reading this very interesting novel, walking aside dearest Pip, suffering with him, dining with him, trembling with him, I was able to connect to him. Pip grew up as a poor child, and he thought that he would never become more than a blacksmith. Surprisingly, Pip was ecstatic when he heard that he would have a chance to live a better life, a richer life. He took this chance, and my oh my, his life turned right around. He had a nice home, a great friend, money, and a business, but he didn’t have someone to thank for everything he turned into. In his own mind, he accused a good friend for all of his success, but when he finally learned the truth, he was a bit disappointed.
I know that in this way, I follow Pip. I have high hopes, and they get shot down. I admit that when I read the truth, I was also disappointed. I thought to myself that I had a grand idea to have lesser expectations. To avoid ending up like Pip. But like some other decisions I’ve made, this was flawed. Of course, lowering my expectations would ultimately lower my rate of personal success. And finally I started to conclude that my life without challenge, and personal goals (may they be high expectations), would be failure. And failure brings sadness.
I like to be happy. I sure hope that you do too. Honestly, being what I want to be, no matter if the world deemed it pathetic, is what I want to be. Finding out the truth that makes me sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, gloomy, or pissed, would bring about happiness. I find that this world will not make me happy, I will make me happy. And the truth is essential unless I like living a fake life. Thanks to Charles dickens, the creator of this magnificent novel, I can construct myself based upon what I like to do. Expectations can be especially hard to live up to if they are my own. But the truth that it’s mine, and only mine, stuffs joy in to a body that has been overstuffed with goals. This book makes me appreciate truth for all of its glory. I like being a Pip. A distinctly true Pip.
Reading, my multivitamin, has awoken me to the truth about truth and our great expectations through “great expectations”. Upon reading this very interesting novel, walking aside dearest Pip, suffering with him, dining with him, trembling with him, I was able to connect to him. Pip grew up as a poor child, and he thought that he would never become more than a blacksmith. Surprisingly, Pip was ecstatic when he heard that he would have a chance to live a better life, a richer life. He took this chance, and my oh my, his life turned right around. He had a nice home, a great friend, money, and a business, but he didn’t have someone to thank for everything he turned into. In his own mind, he accused a good friend for all of his success, but when he finally learned the truth, he was a bit disappointed.
I know that in this way, I follow Pip. I have high hopes, and they get shot down. I admit that when I read the truth, I was also disappointed. I thought to myself that I had a grand idea to have lesser expectations. To avoid ending up like Pip. But like some other decisions I’ve made, this was flawed. Of course, lowering my expectations would ultimately lower my rate of personal success. And finally I started to conclude that my life without challenge, and personal goals (may they be high expectations), would be failure. And failure brings sadness.
I like to be happy. I sure hope that you do too. Honestly, being what I want to be, no matter if the world deemed it pathetic, is what I want to be. Finding out the truth that makes me sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, gloomy, or pissed, would bring about happiness. I find that this world will not make me happy, I will make me happy. And the truth is essential unless I like living a fake life. Thanks to Charles dickens, the creator of this magnificent novel, I can construct myself based upon what I like to do. Expectations can be especially hard to live up to if they are my own. But the truth that it’s mine, and only mine, stuffs joy in to a body that has been overstuffed with goals. This book makes me appreciate truth for all of its glory. I like being a Pip. A distinctly true Pip.
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